


Finding Logic

by Ria_annie



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage, big sad, they be married but should they be?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ria_annie/pseuds/Ria_annie
Summary: Sarek never asked her what her five-year plan was, he never asked When do you wanna move to Vulcan? Sarek found it logical to move back to his home when he got a promotion to be an ambassador to the Federation. She agreed and expected to be sad and depressed when leaving her home and her planet. But she finds herself resentful and missing her home.
Relationships: Amanda Grayson & Spock, Amanda Grayson & Sybok, Amanda Grayson/Sarek
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Snow

It was a quiet day on Vulcan. Every so often you could hear the wind pick up and slightly brush sand across the window. Amanda figured there would be a sand storm tonight, and she needed to remember to shut the other head window in the greenhouse. Her rose needed the sun and heat, but not the sand. It had been a month since her arrival to Vulcan, and she missed the snow.

It was the quietness that snow provided. To walk outside and the only thing you might hear would be the wind. It was always quiet. The crunch of stepping through it and seeing your footprints was peaceful to her. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy the sandy environment of Vulcan- it just didn’t give her peace like the snow. However, that was the difference between her and her husband. He preferred the sand, the heat, and dry air. She wanted the snow, the quietness, and chilled air. It showed their differences, but also what made their relationship so beautiful. People thought she preferred the rain, however, no one bothered to ask.

Sarek, however, asked. He asked a lot of things from her.

Sarek asked plainly of his future wife to move with him to Vulcan. It was never a “When do you want to move?” “Or what is your five-year plan?” It was “Would you move to Vulcan?” Sarek did not understand the magnitude of this question, for humans are emotional for their home and planet. Amanda said yes. She had studied on that planet for a year, but to be there permanently was almost scary.

She never thought about asking him to stay on Earth for the rest of their lives. Amanda made a bucket list of things to do before they left permanently. Yes, they would come back, but only as guests never full inhabitants. Some items on her list were easy everyday things such as eating at a restaurant or visiting a park. Other things were more of a challenge; trying to visit this person and see this thing- but until her list was complete, she wouldn’t leave her planet. Sarek owed her that.

It was the snow that made her first realize she loved her future husband. She had invited him to come home with her to the Midwest. She loved him before but hadn’t come to grips with how deep it was. Standing in the snow, all bundled up, she realized her life had completely changed, and she was ready to let go of her home.

_With a scarf covering his mouth. Bundled up in his winter robes, he truly didn’t find the logic in being outside in the snow._

_“Sarek, sweetie- I promise the snow won’t hurt you,” Amanda said with a bright smile, taking his gloved hand and pulling him down the path. They were going to go sledding. Amanda was determined to have her fun in the snow before leaving for Vulcan. He followed closely behind, holding the sleds._

_“It is illogical to assume that the snow would hurt. However, the ice is another question,” Sarek said, trying to figure out how colder it had to get it to freeze. Amanda smiled happily walking up the hill, knowing that she was about to share her favorite things with Sarek. But when she turned around to look down the hill, it reminded her she would likely not do this again._

They left Earth when the snow melted.

Amanda woke up in the greenhouse with her book on her stomach. She had fallen asleep, and the house was in darkness from a sandstorm. Her hands brushed her stomach, and she gave a small smile. She wanted a baby, and she had one, but she didn’t even know it till it was gone.

Her lack of ability to carry to term was one of the many reasons the couple moved to Vulcan. Humans did not have the medical knowledge of Vulcan DNA and the resources to support a hybrid child. Amanda had her life mildly planned out, but having a child immediately moving to Vulcan did not seem ideal. It was hard enough to get used to the climate of Vulcan and to add a pregnancy on top of it made little sense. But it did not stop her from dreaming.

She closed her eyes, reaching through the bond she had with her husband to figure out how far he was from home. To her surprise, she found him walking through the door of their home or castle as she referred to.

Amanda rushed to her husband, greeting him with a smile that he only sees now.

“Hello my dear, I hope today was... Acceptable,” she said look up at him confidently. She had his hand in hers, stroking it softly. It was a fun little game to see the tip of his ears green with embarrassment.

Sarek of Vulcan should not be moved so easily but his human wife, however, here he was afoot in his home feeling a mix of want and need.

“It was acceptable. How was yours?” he asked, kissing the top of her head. It was not Vulcan, but he felt the happy and comfortable emotions from his wife. You might say it’s a drug for him as he did things for her own comfort, but to feel emotions he couldn’t process.

“It was slow, but I felt much better and I am finding myself excited to watch the sandstorm pass over,” Amanda said, glancing out the window noting that it was still dark and that the sand hitting the window was getting more aggressive. “Would you mind watching the storm with me, my husband?”

A sandstorm was as close as she could get to a snowstorm.

Sarek knew he asked a lot of his wife- he understood the human emotion of guilt. His wife laid beside him asleep, holding on to her pillow. She had sacrificed everything for him. The move to Vulcan was not easy. It brought on many arguments and tears.

He had seen humans cry during his tenure as ambassador, but his wife crying was unbearable. His wife crying while arguing was uncomfortable, for the emotions rolling off of her through the bond were difficult.

_“Sarek, I do not understand why you said that!’ Amanda said angrily, removing her jacket and throwing it on the couch. She knew that her leaving her jacket on the couch irked him. “He was my friend and threatened his entire career!”_

_“He grabbed you inappropriately, and it was logical for me to step in,” Sarek said, raising his eyebrow. He does not understand why she was so against him. “Amanda, as your bondmate you need to take more care of who you allow so close.”_

_That was it. Everything that has been built up finally deteriorated. The boxes packed to the ceiling, the empty tables, and the lack of anything stressed her out. She was putting everything on the line for him, for their relationship. She felt alone. But she would not back down from this argument and walked right up to him. Her brown eyes staring him down, tempting him to say something truly illogical._

_“It is not my fault. Do not blame me. He touched my arm after being accidentally pushed,” Amanda said coldly. “I promise nothing was meant by it. I can protect myself and at that point, it was not needed.”_

_Sarek looks down at his wife by human culture,_

_“I believe you can protect yourself. However, but I cannot understand why you do not trust me to protect you.”_

_“I do trust you. I just don’t want to put you out,” Amanda took a step back, fighting her urges to fight and attempting to let go. “Likewise, I see these boxes and remember that in a few weeks, I’ll be on a new planet. I guess I am scared and I shouldn’t let it turn into anger.”_

_Sarek extended two fingers to her, feeling her emotions through their bond. He leaned down to her ear and whisper,_

_“Please, share your emotions with me.”_

But now they are in their bed. So human to share a bed. His hand brushed back her hair, and he slightly passed her psi-points. A rush of euphoria hit him and he checked the clock. It was still too early to wake her up, but soon he would mind-meld with her.


	2. Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I just want to say thanks and I am going to make this a full series. I do have to say there are some mature themes in this chapter. But please leave a comment- it truly makes my day.

Time goes quickly if you find something to do. Amanda continued her hobby of gardening. She had her roses, but she added strawberries, lavender, and tomatoes. Everything was looking up for the married couple. Amanda was starting at the local learning academy to teach English to young children. It was exactly what she wanted to do, and it got her out of the house. 

But she still had a week to go till she started, so here she sat weeding in her greenhouse. Sarek was busy working in his office taking phone calls. His office was his private spot while the greenhouse was hers. She truly made it human. Before the previous owners were organized and she tried to keep it together. However, slowly it got more disorganized, and it felt right. If it was illogical to Sarek, he never told her.

Amanda pulled the last of her weeds and wiped the sweat and dirt from her face. Her strawberries were blooming and soon she would have strawberries to eat and share. When she stood up, she jumped when she noticed Sarek standing in the greenhouse's doorway. 

“Sarek, I swear you are trying to kill me,” she said, holding her chest as her heart raced from the sudden scare. 

“My wife, I would never try to kill you,” he said, raising his eyebrows in confusion. “I know the human language and sayings get past me, but I do not understand why everything goes back to death and killing.” He walked to her, offering his two fingers, and through the bond, he conveyed his true intent. 

“My husband, it is because we are dramatic and we have to convey how badly we need something,” Amanda said with a small smile and did not even notice how he slowly got her to back up into the counter. She sat on the counter as he nudged her legs apart and stood between them. “For example- I am dying to feel you.”

Forever bold was his wife.

  
  


Sarek pulled her closer, his one hand brushed the inside of her leg while the other gripped her hand,

“I believe as your husband I need to help you stay alive.” When his one hand crept north, she gave him a small whimper. He leans down to her neck leaving kisses, and when his hand finally where she needed him- he bites her. That marking makes her moan and move against him.

While they were at home, she could wear her human clothes, such as shorts. Today was one of those days and you could say she did it on purpose as Sarek found them… acceptable. 

He growled as he slipped his hand into her shorts, feeling how wet she was. He studied her reaction as he teased her. She whined, gripping his other hand, sending through the bond exactly what she wanted. He slowly inserted one finger and then raised his eyebrow… tempting her to fight back with him. Amanda knew what game he was playing and was determined to not give into him. But Sarek slowly thrust his finger and then added a second one. That's when he got his first moan and ambled. 

After adding a third finger, Amanda couldn’t help but moan loudly into Sarek’s shoulder. They had workers who were taking care of the house- so they had to keep quiet.

/Shush/

/It’s hard to shush when you are being teased/

He kept thrusting his fingers deeper inside her, trying to bring her to her release. Amanda looked up at Sarek with pleading eyes, muttering sweet nothings. He kissed her as she came on his fingers listening to her soft moan as she pulled away. Sarek nudged her down and had her laying on her back. Removing his fingers, he also pulled at her shorts. 

Amanda panted heavily as he undressed her, watching his hands work on her. His thumb brushed against her clit, earning a sharp groan from her. He brought her closer to the edge of the counter and thrust into her. 

Her eyes widened as he stretched her, and she gasped his name as he took her. Some days he was patient, other days he was rough. Today he was rough. Sarek brought his hand to her psi points and lost himself in her. 

He found himself high on her emotions and went deeper into her mind. Amanda’s pleasure got to him as she came again. He pulled his mind away from hers quickly, taking his free hand pinned her hand as she was biting it to keep quiet. 

/Beloved I want to hear you/

She became a whimpering, moaning mess as she wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him in closer. Sarek brought her back to one more release before finding his satisfaction within her. As the end came he bit her neck once again marking her. 

  
  
  


This was a normal day for them. Amanda stumbled to the kitchen, trying to find some water. Sarek followed her, perfect as ever- no hair out of place. Even though he just had her pinned on the counter and had her begging for salvation. He would mediate later on the emotions he indulges himself with. 

Amanda giggled as she drank her cup of water, watching the servants walk by acting as if they heard nothing. However, she knew they knew, but out of respect they wouldn’t say anything or do anything that would give it away. 

/Six more days and I’ll finally have something to do full time/ She said to him through the bond and laid her head on his shoulder. She was human, and humans needed intimacy and touch after sex. It was logical. 

/You have done a lot here in the first month, my beloved. Likewise, I would not hold it to you to work after your miscarriage/ He was always blunt, and she appreciated but on this topic, she wished for sugarcoating. 

Amanda gave him a small sad smile, nodded, and walked away. 

_ Records were her favorite thing to collect, next to plants and seashells. Her collection was the first thing she moved in when she and Sarek first lived together. But it wasn’t until a late-night that he finally heard her playing records.  _

_ She had her Fleetwood Mac record playing as loudly as she could. This was her meditation time as she dealt with the stress of moving and losing her own personal area. While she unpacked, she danced and sang.  _

_ Sarek felt the emotions of excitement and fun through the bond before he heard anything. He felt her joy and was relieved to feel her convey happier emotions. However, he was not prepared for his wife to be dancing in the living room.  _

_ Amanda was shaking her hips back and forth and singing her favorite song, Caroline. The smile on her face as big as she grabbed a book from the book. Almost singing to the book as if it was the audience to her performance. She bopped her head to each drop in the song and Sarek watched in silence. He found it acceptable to watch his human fiance partake in something so human, singing to inanimate objects.  _

_ When the song ended, he held his breath, and she did not notice him. He made a note to inform her that her survival skills were lackluster. She tapped her fingers to the beat of the next song and started humming before singing.  _

_ However, his own personal concert was over when she turned around to let out a small scream when she noticed him standing in the doorway. But quickly she smirked and grabbed his hand,  _

_ “Dance with me.”  _

Amanda found her recorder player in a spare room that was unofficially hers. She knew how to share and wouldn’t mind sharing it as she was the youngest of many kids. Sharing was part of who she was. She grabbed her favorite record and placed it on the turntable, placing the needle and sitting down in front of the table. Softly she cried as she remembered her pain. 

Sarek felt her sadness through the bond and went to his office, hearing the record playing. 

It was dark by the time Amanda left her room, and she immediately went to his office. Knocking on the door- she held her breath.

“Come in.”

Amanda opened the door with shaky hands, her eyes red and puffy. She sniffled and had hiccups. She had been crying hard and was finally ready for some comfort. Sarek had learned quickly to accept that his wife had to be the one to start the conversation when crying. She had once told him to ‘Shut it’ and wrote on a piece of paper, 

“I love you, but please just hold me.” 

/Please know that I am fine/ she whispered through their bond. The two met in the room and she buried her head into his chest. /I am happy to be here and I love you. I am still processing these emotions of loss. I feel stupid to miss something I didn’t even know I had till it was gone/

He shook his head, /My wife you are not illogical. I am too disappointed at the revelation, however; I cherish thee and my life is satisfactory knowing you are here./ 

Amanda looked up at him with sad eyes, “Not this month or the next, but can we set up an appointment with the doctors?”

/Yes/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to figure out how long this is going to be and one day I shall have an answer. I just want to say thank you again to all the Kiddos. Leave a comment on what you like, hate, or want to see! Thank you!!

Amanda shut the front door behind her and let out a sigh of relief. She smiled and hanged up her outer robe next to the door, then made her way to the kitchen. Her first month of teaching was over and she was so happy with how great everything was. There were a few down points but in the end, it was a positive experience. 

She loved her students, Vulcan children were much easier to teach than human children but their questions were a little much.

“Are you sure you are not Vulcan?”

“Why do you wear blue a lot?”

“If you had a child, would it have pointed ears?”

“What is a hippopotamus?”

Amanda answered each question with hidden joy- trying to not show human emotions as she knew it would not go over well. 

Sarek was standing in the kitchen looking at his PADD, clearly in thought. Amanda giggled and double-checked that no one was around to see them. As she quickly ran and hugged him, burying herself into his side. 

Sarek jumped but looked down at his wife, 

“My wife, I assume your work was successful?”

“Of course my husband, but I am glad to see you,” she looked up at him smiling more than before. “I just can’t believe how quickly time has flown and my students are so amazing. I swear by next week they won’t need me at all.”

Things have been going well between the two of them. Tensions are lower, and the relationship was moving back to how things were before their move to Vuclan. The two ate dinner together, they slept together; they had their own separate space and a healthy routine. He would wake up at 4 am to work out and she would wake up at 6 am to get ready. On the weekends he let her sleep in till 9 am. She wanted to sleep in later but physically could not on Vuclan. Everything on this planet woke up at the crack of dawn.

However, one thing was the same as Earth and that is everyone enjoys gossip. Amanda and Sarek were used to this because of their time dueling with the press. But Vulcan was different, here was a society that demands privacy but logically is it privacy if everyone knows?

“I married a little green man,” was Amanda's favorite line to use after the press used it against her. “Of course there’s nothing little with my husband,” is what she would say in response. Sarek truly never got what she meant by this and why she always giggles in embarrassment. 

Tonight was the night that Vulcan society truly got to meet the new ambassador’s wife. Servants hurried around her as she held a checklist, a list that noted things that are a must at and one that is let’s make this more human. 

‘If they want to meet a human. Let them meet me,’ she thought as she marked off her item of ‘sweet ice tea.’ 

The fortress was huge and always so empty to Amanda. From the moment she steps through the gates, she felt overwhelmed with the history of the place. She grew up in a small town in the Midwest and was happy with a two-bedroom apartment. But here she was, living in a castle that led to the Vulcan Forge. However, at this moment- it was busy.

They set the main room up to allow people to stand and discuss political agendas and had a dance floor. Amanda was stubborn about keeping this. Yes, Vulcans do not dance. But she did. Likewise, there were at least four other humans to be there tonight. She would dance alone if she had to. 

So going with the dancing area was a Vulcan Lute and one Violin. They set Vulcan flowers on eating tables, to Amanda’s delight. If her roses’ were in bloom- she would have used them. She wrote to use them next year with a smile. 

The room was grand with candles and string lights with ivy hanging down from the ceiling. 

“My wife, this theme, what do you call it?” Sarek asked, pulling Amanda away from studying her project. 

“I believe it would be called starry night meets Vulcan,” Amanda said smiling, offering him the Vulcan finger embrace. “My husband, I am excited to dance with you tonight.” 

  
  


\--- 

Sarek took control of the setting up to allow his wife time to get ready. For he only needs to change his robes. His aid Tuvok came up to him holding his PADD, clearly wanting to show him something. 

“Sir, I believe you need to look at this,” he said now completely showing a message from the High Vulcan Command.

Sarek read it over and nodded,

“Please do not inform my wife. We shall increase surveillance.”

\---

Amanda felt weird having someone help do her hair and makeup as it made her feel out of touch. However, tonight was not the night to mess anything up. With the help of her main aid, T’Ara she could get her hair into beautiful thick perfect curls. They cascaded down her back and her bangs were curled up to frame her face. Her make up was light with a small black wing liner, pink blush, and a muted red lipstick.

  
  


T’Ara helped her get into her dress as she did not want to ruin them before the party started. Her floor-length dress was a light shade of blue. It had a sweetheart neckline, however, for modesty, she added a sheer cover that pins together like a button-up shirt. The sleeves were off the shoulder and the bottom of the dress was chiffon and made a noise every time she moved. Amanda’s favorite thing was how puffy the dress was and how much tulle was underneath her. She wore kitten heels, and it was the first time she wore something truly human in a long time. To go with her dress- she wore satin light blue gloves and a pearl necklace. Amanda couldn’t help but smile and play with her dress in the mirror. 

It made her think of how she met Sarek for the first time.

_ It was a boring party, a horribly boring party, and she wanted to leave. A great opportunity to network? Yes. But to waste one’s Friday night is another thing. Star Fleet invited her as she was the team leader on the Universal Translator, but she still worked full time as a teacher at this point. They gave her the summer to figure out what was wrong with the translator. To her credit, she spoke full Vulcan, and that gave her this job. Amanda was not sure if she’ll still be a teacher by fall and was ready to jump head into this project.  _

_ So here she was, a ball with humans and aliens, bored. Her coworker, Diana, had left her to go discuss money with a backer. Then she saw him. Or according to Sarek- he saw her first. Amanda thought him of a prince, and he might as well be. Standing there in his black robes trimmed with gold, standing perfectly with his hands behind his back. His bright green eyes captured her, and she took a deep breath and walked towards him. _

_ Sarek had noticed the human women immediately. He had seen her working on the Universal Translator. But never had he such an opportunity to talk to her. She wore a dark green satin gown that was long sleeves with a V neckline. The lady’s hair was pulled back into a bun that allowed her bangs to frame her face. He started walking towards her first; he was sure of that. Right? _

_ They met right in the middle.  _

_ “Hello- _

_ “Greeting-”  _

_ “No, yo-”  _

_ “Please, it is good to meet you,” She blurted, then immediately held up the Ta’al. “Live long and prosper.”  _

_ He returned the greeting, impressed. _

_ “Live long and prosper, I am Ambassador Sarek.” _

_ “I am Amanda Grayson, teacher and team leader on the universal translator,” Amanda voiced. Sarek made note of how brown her eyes were and found himself truly stopped in his tracks since the divorce.  _

_ ‘Teaching is a noble profession,” he stated. “May I ask we talk outside of this room?”  _

_ Amanda quickly nodded her head, _

_ “Please get me out of this room.” They walked into the gardens of the Star Fleet’s headquarters and sat next to the pond on a bench. There they talked for hours, ignoring the party and the world.  _

  
  


Amanda walked down the stairs into the principal room 20 minutes before the first guest was to arrive. Vulcan’s were always on time, and she respected it, but her nerves got to her. She stopped in front of Sarek, who was now wearing black robes with blue trim. 

“My husband, is everything prepared?” 

“Yes, my wife. May I say your dress complements you very well,” he vocalized offering her his two forefingers meeting hers. 

/I find myself not wanting to share you with other Vulcans/ He conveyed walking her to the center of the room. 

/Sarek, you cannot keep me hidden away. Also, who’s saying I want to share you with anymore/ Amanda gasped as he turned on the lights. The room shined with warm light from the strings and candles. Everything was perfect. 

Quickly, Amanda glanced around, seeing no one was there, and kissed him. She pulled him down to her level and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her lower back. 

Sarek indulges himself in his wife’s emotions and projects calmness to her. Amanda pulled away first, smiling up at him.

‘I am pleased, and I love you.” 

“I cherish you.” 

  
  


People arrived, and the couple handled it with grace. Amanda and Sarek had the perfection as a couple who have done this before. 

Unannounced to Amanda was a plot. The High Command had gotten a warning that logic extremists were planning an attack. Sarek kept high alert to anyone who might be an imposter. 

The heir to the Surak clan had much to protect- his mate and family house. Logic extremists were one thing, but his mother was another. 

T’Pau parted the crowds as if she was Moses to greet the new couple. Her husband, Skon, followed behind her. This was their first time meeting their daughter-in-law, of course, in the human culture, as they were in the Southern Hemisphere when the couple first arrived. 

Amanda and Sarek both bowed their heads to the matriarch of the family. 

“Live Long and prosper, mother.”

Amanda found herself second-guessing everything and was waiting for the proper time to introduce herself. T’Pau was the same height as her, but the surrounding energy was powerful. Sarek and his mother talk in high Vulcan quickly and then eyes turned towards her. 

“Amanda, I would like to have you over in a week for tea. I shall send you times that work best for me,” and with that T’Pau walked away to talk to other people. Skon nodded his head at his son following after his wife. 

Amanda let out a sigh of relief and gave Sarek a tense smile.

/How bad was that?/

/That was sufficient with my mother/

Before she could respond, another guest came up to the couple and the rest of the night went by quickly. However, before the night ended, Amanda pulled Sarek to the dance floor, and she truly felt at home. 


	4. Into the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Miscarriage

_ Sarek walked past the booming dance hall, it was Halloween and the humans were throwing a party for the workers of Star Fleet. He felt Amanda through the small bond that had been formed and was inclined to head inside, but the music would be too much for him. However, he did peak inside as curiosity took over him.  _

_ What he saw was eyebrow-raising, even his aid, Soren was surprised.  _

_ There was Amanda dancing with her friend, laughing and singing along to the song. Her dancing was… interesting. She had a huge smile on her face and quickly squatted making her girlfriends scream with joy. When she got up she another downed drink from her friend. Amanda grabbed her friend holding onto them whispering something in their ear.  _

_ She could not stop giggling, let alone stand, she knew she drank too much. Diana whispered to her,  _

_ “Hey isn’t that your Vulcan friend?” Amanda stopped and stared at him. He stared back at her.  _

_ Sarek felt the heat in his face as he raised an eyebrow at her. Halloween was a human holiday in which people dressed up in costumes to protect themselves from spirits. Amanda’s hair was curled down and had a cat ear headband, along with wearing a black leotard that hugged her curves nicely, black fishnet stockings, leg warmers, and small boots. Her make-up included pink lips with... Cat whiskers.  _

_ She immediately crossed her arms as if she was cold and confidently walked up to him,  _

_ “Hello, Sarek.” _

_ I sound so robotic, she thought quickly trying to act normal, but what was normal when you were drunk? _

_ “Hello Amanda, are you enjoying yourself?” _

_ “Yes.” Catching his eye looking her down. She held her arms out presenting and gave a big smile. “I am a cat.”  _

_ “I see.”  _

_ The awkward silence made Amanda squirm on the inside and truly had no idea what to do. She was thinking about how cute he was in his Ambassador robes. How they made his green eyes pop and how they made him look so handsome and tall. Likewise, how nice it would be to hug him, maybe even kiss him. She started blushing.  _

**_His hair must be curly if he didn’t comb it._ **

_ “You know she needs a ride home,” Diana whispered to Sarek quietly. Who approached on his left side and so that Amanda could not hear. Diana was the reason why Amanda had one too many shots. “I would take her home however, I have plans with… a new friend.”  _

_ “Wait, you are going home with that man? Diana if he kills you that’s on you,” Amanda voiced shaking her head and placing one hand on her hip, pointing at her with her other hand. She was visibly frowning and then made a whining noise. Sarek caught himself staring at her chest, wondering if she was wearing the proper support or was it built in the leotard. ‘Control’  _

_ “I will get her home safely,” he said nodding at Diana, and quickly her friend left without a word. “Can you walk by yourself?”  _

_ “Yes!” She said so confidently but when she took her next step she found her hand on the wall. “Well maybe no.” Sarek offered his arm and she took it immediately. With his robe, it was no skin-to-skin contact so he did not get bombarded with her emotions but there was a faint buzz.  _

__

_ “You know you are cute and I find how you say things so properly nice,” Amanda stated looking up at him with bright but hazy eyes. “I am happy I got to see you tonight. Sorry, I look like a cat today but I had no costume, and Diana was going like a bunny so I had to join her.”  _

_ “I find your company to be gratifying and it is illogical to apologize for practicing your heritage,” he whispered to her as they walked through a crowd. People stole glances at the weird couple and he stared them back down to the point where they looked away. As they walked, she held on tighter and rested his head on his arm.  _

_ Luckily she did not live that far away from the compound so they walked, sobering her up.  _

_ “I promise I only had five shots and a few drinks,” Amanda said opening the door to her apartment. “I apologize you had to see me this way.” Tears started forming in her eyes. _

_ Sarek felt a strange panic, _

_ “Do not apologize. What does one mean by a few?”  _

_ “.... six beers,” she whispered into his ear, standing on her tiptoes to reach. She ushered him inside and she threw her coat on the couch and reached to take off her boots. “I really didn’t mean to be this drunk.” However, Amanda fell into her chair and gave out a hearty laugh.  _

_ Sarek watched with a raised eyebrow, wondering what to do exactly with her as she stopped laughing. Humans are strange creatures. She was quiet and they both stared at each other.  _

  
  


_ “...Can you stay the night?” she whispered pleading with her eyes, and slowly she got up and walked to him. “I don’t want to be alone.” He stared down at her as her hands played with his robe. Blush graced his face as they made eye contact.  _

_ “Yes, I can.”  _

_ She let out a happy noise and hugged him taking him off guard.  _

  
  


_ He stayed the night with her and held her in her bed, watching her sleep. She changed out of her leotard, and into shorts and a t-shirt. In the morning, he counted thirty-two illogical apologies from Amanda from 5:00 hours to 10:00 hours, as she was very sick.  _

  
  


He ate his plomeek soup reading his latest transmissions from the High Council. Amanda was upstairs taking the latest fertility treatment and he could feel the pain of the hydro spray in the bond. 

Amanda quickly joined him downstairs in the reading room with a smile as if nothing happened a few minutes ago. She seemed to be in thought as she sat next to him making a face.

“Sarek?”

“Yes, my wife?”

“If it’s a girl we should name her Lila and if it is a boy, Harold.” 

“Harold?” 

“Yes. I think it is a handsome name,” She moved from her chair to sit in his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. “Sarek, may I know something?”

“What do you want to know?” He felt the tension, almost fear from his wife. She grabbed his hand and held it in his lap, along with this she avoided his eyes. 

“What would you do when I die?” Her voice was cold. They had breached the conversation about death briefly. But it was never a full discussion. “Say I die trying to get pregnant, or during pregnancy, or say giving birth.” Amanda could not cry.

“Death is something that cannot be prevented. Everything ends,” he whispered. “However, I would not hold it against our child. I would provide for them and protect your memory. I prefer we do not speak of this topic.” She would die long before him, but the idea of her death in the next few months was less than ideal. 

Amanda nodded and nuzzled herself more into his chest. “I am sorry my love. It is illogical to give in to fear, however, I find myself scared.” 

/You are human. To be afraid of the unknown is biological/ 

She softly signed and held his hand tighter, nodding. They sat there in quietness as I-Chaya came into the room and laid himself next to the couple. A family of three… for now. 

_ Sarek noticed something wrong with his wife before she did. Something changed about her- she smelled better and had a better complexion. She had always been pleasing to him but now she seemed irresistible. He nuzzled into her neck and pulled her closer with his arms, and kissed her. Amanda whimpered and moved closer placing her hands on top of his.  _

_ He moved one hand down to pull up her nightgown and went right back up to grab her breast. She squirmed moaning softly- her eyes opened slowly but closed again. He growled softly in her ear and rolled her onto her stomach.  _

_ /Is this alright?/  _

_ /Yes/ _

_ He sat between her legs and pushed her nightgown up kissing the back of her neck. He wanted her badly and could not stop himself. Sarek enjoyed the soft whimpering Amanda made when he felt her wetness. Slowly he inserted a finger and groaned softly as she moaned his name. It triggered the savage male inside of him and immediately removed his finger and took her. _

_ Amanda wiggled against him as he stretched her and gripped the sheets on the bed. Sarek loved how tight she felt against him in the morning and how she gave into him. He went slowly, teasing her and he kissed her shoulder preparing her mentally for the bite. When he bites her she jumped and pushed back on him taking him fully. He softly grunted at the feeling and grabbed her hand feeling the electricity.  _

_ His tempo got quicker as she came on him- becoming tighter and screamed out his name. Sarek thought quickly about how loud she was and went rougher with her. He was trying to not devel into her mind but he forgot about his original plan as he found his psi-points. _

_ Sarek felt pleasure, the love his mate had for him, how he made her feel and what she wanted. The mating bond was important to Sarek as it prepared Amanda for Pon Farr, however, a normal mating session would not compare to Pon Farr. He drowned in the ocean of emotions that Amanda is and breathed it in. Feeling all these emotions he came inside her unexpectedly.  _

_ The mind-meld ended and he kissed her neck panting softly with her. He removed himself and laid to her side. Amanda curled next to him and looked up with him with a smile, _

_ “Good morning.” She spoke in a whisper.  _

_ “Good morning,” he whispered back with a soft smile that one she sees. Again he felt something was off about her as if there was another mind. Amanda kissed his nose and then got out of bed,  _

_ “As much as I want to stay in bed- I gotta get ready for a meeting at Berkley.” Again Sarek noticed the different smell his wife produced. _

_ “My wife, do you feel up to health?” He asked standing up starting his morning routine 34.5 minutes late but he had no pressing meetings for him to attend.  _

_ “I feel fine,” She quickly replied as she stripped off her nightgown and headed into the bathroom to take her shower.  _

_ Sarek’s day went by with moderate speed and found himself waiting for Amanda’s return. The change in her pheromones made him feel more protective and he was almost worried for her. He was waiting in the living room of their apartment meditating on the protective emotions.  _

_ ‘It could not be Pon Farr as I have 2.54 years till it is truly pressing,’ He thought trying to think of any reason why he would be protective. Amanda walked through the door and gave him a sad smile. Something seemed wrong and he tried to reach through the bond and it was closed.  _

_ “I do not feel well,” she said softly clutching her midsection, and went to him. “I do not know what’s wrong with me but it feels like a period cramp. However, I haven’t had my period in months.” They had agreed on birth control till they were ready for a child. _

_ “Do you want to see a healer?” He asked taking her hand in his- reaching through the bond trying to figure out what’s wrong. Quickly she shook her head no.  _

_ The couple carried on with their night and ate dinner in silence. Amanda would wince and say nothing keeping Sarek in the dark. Sarek wanted to respect his mate’s privacy- however, he was getting more and more concerned.  _

_ The wall Amanda had been keeping up dropped when she got up from the dinner table. Sarek felt the pain and horror as Amanda let out a scream. She clunch her stomach wincing and another hand on the table bracing herself. He rushed over to her supporting her. _

_ /What’s wrong?/ _

_ /I don’t know!/ She had tears rolling down her face and was sweating profusely. /I need a doctor/  _

_ Sarek grabbed his PADD and called for the healer. When he turned around to look at her, he showed his look of fear as blood pooled under her. Her grey pants were red and were getting darker and darker. She glanced up at him sobbing,  _

_ “Help me.”  _

_ When the healer got there- it was too late. The couple was transferred to a human hospital where Amanda laid unconscious. Being in the hospital with his mate laying on a medical table in a white gown was uncomfortable.  _

_ The doctor came in with paperwork and check her monitor, _

_ “You are lucky that she is still alive.” _

_ “To believe in luck is illogical,” he responded coldly. “What is wrong with my mate?” _

_ “She has experienced a miscarriage, she was at the tail end of three months. However, the fetus had no copper and was the liver and lungs were not developed enough. The fact the fetus lasted this long is surprising.”  _

_ Sarek felt the dread and stared at Amanda, _

_ “Will she still be able to produce children?” _

_ “Yes, however, you will need to seek help as no fetus will be supported after three months. I have searched the database and there are two doctors on Vuclan who will help you.”  _

_ He just nodded a yes and waited for the doctor to leave to sit by her side. _

_ Amanda awoke 1.33 hours later and gave him a smile when her eyes met him. He did not have the words to tell her and instead opened the bond to her.  _

_ She sobbed into him and was shaking horribly. Sarek did his best to support his wife, even though he too experienced grief.  _

_ Sarek has only experienced truly negative emotions when his first wife challenged their marriage and Amanda’s miscarriage. One was jealous and the other was grief. When Amanda was allowed to come home she went straight to bed dragging him with her. They laid there for the rest of the day where she talked about the loss of their child. _

_ Amanda wanted children and was very adamant about having multiple children. Sarek never gave much thought to children, he knew he at least needed one to be his heir. He wanted one, yes, especially with Amanda. However, the doctor informed them that they would struggle to keep a baby past three months as the DNA and lack of cooper blood will kill them. Amanda also was in danger from the child as it would steal any form of mineral and the bone difference’s between Vuclan and Human children could damage her organs.  _

  
  
  


Sarek’s eyes open up as he finished studying his memories during meditation. A mate was supposed to protect what is his. Right? However, as he finishes up his hand started to twitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and leave a comment or kiddos. Thank you.


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